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Refreshing My 2008

Last year I wrote that I change my mind from “someday I will be happy” into “I’m living happily starting now”. But it’s hard. I’m not saying that I’m not happy, but I (and my closed friends) realize that me sighing all year. One problem had finished, then came other ones I babbled about. It seems that I got a thousand reasons to be unhappy.

Yes, thesis time had passed in the beginning of this year, it’s a moment when I feel so free. Then job seeking moment really really made me crazy. I felt depressed and being in the lowest situation. I was embarrassed with my life, didn’t dare to come out gathering with some friends. Well lucky that time had gone, at the end of this year I got a job I like, it’s a moment when I feel so relieved. Those are not the only problems of my life. Trust me, there are many, and complicated. Even in this time, when I’ve already been in Singapore, when I’m writing this bullshit posting, I still feel unhappy in someways.

Anyhooo, my traveling life starts here! Yez, who’s not dreaming of traveling around the world, huh?! Everyone’s drooling it. For next year, I’ve already spotted some leave times and planned to go some places in Southeast Asia. Amen! Being independent and living far from parents, it’s so dream-comes-true. I want to bring more reality in my life, and less imagination and online time.

But it leads me to other fantasy (hope not the dirty one), him. LDR and HBL is very irritating T.T. Anyway, he helped me a lot to bring smile in my life along my dark times on this year: final year stressing, graduating, job hunting, self seeking… I’ve been through those things with him. Aaargh why suddenly my iTunes playing Depapepe *garuk-garuk tembok* (that and D’Cinnamons always remind me of him). Some friends think that these fucking acnes in my face along this year is because of my hormonal reaction of this first love relationship. Ha-ha, people around me are getting married but my hormonal is just starting to react, very mature! But yeah I’m not totally agree with this one, I still believe the acnes come from stress.

Owkey then, I want to try again next year, living happily no matter what. Sometimes I think I never let my self happy. Like when good news comes, I’m searching for another reason to be worried about. Because, life is up and down right?! I’m afraid this is my up time and soon I will be down again. That’s why my mind keeps telling me, “this is not your happy time, there’s another moment you will be happier, just hang on don’t be happy right now okay, there’s still another one coming.” Then when will I be happy?

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