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What will I do when I grow old?

Everyday for almost 15 years, the Old-Berta sat all day in front of her house. This is a normal behavior for old people: They sit while dreaming of their past time when were still young; they look at the world on where they didn’t take part anymore; and they try to find something to be talked with their neighbours.
[The Devil and Miss Prym, Paulo Coelho]

I often sit and daydream while seeing the view from my big room window for hours. Just like today, I had lunch while looking to the scenery of ITB male dormitory (Kanayakan) outside. Even when I had finished the food, I still endured to sit…because there was bare beasted guy drying his clothes (sughooooiii!!! *drooling*).

I often dream of my future…work there, study here, life with anu-san, together with ini-san, until finally I oversleep. Research shows that I sleep too much because of my fancy activity. I have ever tried to stop this habit, but then I aborted it because of 2 principles: (1) Imagining will improve creativity, (2) People who dream about their future from now have more possibilities to be success in the future. So, because I am a person who dislike blocking someone’s creativity and of course want to be success, my imagining activity must go on.

I often felt not accepted in some parts of this world. I denied and cried for my destiny and always dreamed about the places where I wanted to be. That is a couple times ago. And now, actually it’s still the same…I can’t accept my fate, but the difference is now I don’t too care anymore and will fight for being in my dream place. Hmmmm….(*processing*)….
Imagine of 4 me, (1) I’m not confident of my self because of ‘something’, (2) I’m very confident because I can develop my other skills eventhough I don’t have ‘something’, (3) I’m confident because I don’t care all I have, (4) I’m very confident because I have ‘something’. I used to be the no(1) and should be the no(2), but I extremely become the no(3) who are fighting to be the no(4).

Since knowing internet, I’ve become a chatting maniac! I browsed portal sites (such as detik and boleh) to use their chatting feature. Except that, programs which must be installed in my computer are MIRC and Yahoo!Messenger. It is because I have so much to say to this world. Unfortunately, I also use these chatting features for talking with people who are near me.

Well, there are so many things I do now (when I’m still energetic) which will be did by me again on my old time. Isn’t it useless?! Now-Me should stop daydreaming while seeing the sky, because Old-Me will do that. Now-Me should reduce the time for dreaming my life, because Old-Me will do that. Now-Me has been in the right way where she doesn’t cry anymore for world on where she couldn’t take part, because Old-Me will do that. Now-Me should reduce my chatting time, because Old-Me will need it in her loneliness. Now-Me dislike cooking, knitting and sewing. Let those activities are saved for Old-Me. Now-Me doesn’t need to be disappointed because of having no time for reading books/newspapers, watching TV, writing short stories or novels and being active in many harry potter mailing lists. Because, Old-Me can do that. So what should I do now??

I have to finish my thesis!

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